0 for 2

sigh… so I wrote C—- off. He really wasn’t my type anyway. Last night I got a message from a 38 yr old guy, B—-. He wasn’t a subscriber, so he left me his cell #. I didn’t want to text from my phone because I wasn’t going to give out my # to someone I don’t know. I texted him from my google voice #. We talked for awhile, he seemed ok. He sent me a couple of pics, I definitely liked what I saw. I was actually going to let him come over. But then he said his brother needed to come over, but could we try later. I said ok. He even texted me this morning, and wanted me to make sure I got ahold of him after work.

I had found his facebook page (just by typing in his first name and last initial) apparently we have 8 friends in common. I think his brother used to play in a band that used to play alot with Nick’s band. He has lots of pictures of himself with his little girls, he looks like a good dad. So I felt better about letting him come over.

He is also very attractive. I couldn’t see his face in the pics he sent me, but now I know how hot he is. Too hot for me, apparently, even though he kept telling me how sexy he thought I was…

Around 4:30 he texted saying something came up at work, I said I had to go to my mom’s anyway, but I would be home around 9. So I texted him when I got home about 20 after 9, no answer. I even called his phone and left a message…

so, apparently I am 0 for 2. Damn. So many of the other guys that try to contact me are creepy. oh, and the icing on the cake is that the site sends you a “scientific match” once a day, and imagine my shock when today they told me one of my husband’s friends, p–, a guy whose house we used to live in, was a match for me. I’m sure he got a good laugh about it – they send it to both people. We have nothing in common and zero attraction toward each other. So I am beginning to regret wasting the 29.95 to sign up, because apparently their matching system is a total crock.
ok, maybe I spoke too soon, b—- just texted me that he fell asleep and just woke up….

not much new

warning — if you are upset by sexual references, don’t read this. seriously

I made the mistake of watching a romantic comedy last night. No Strings Attached. I should know better, they just depress the f*ck out of me. Everyone always ends up with their true love. So freaking unrealistic. Likewise, the onslaught of jewelry commercials for V-Day are a downer.

So, I still haven’t heard from C—. Hopefully he’s just busy and doesn’t have time to get on-line. Still, it’s just baffling when a guy expresses so much interest in you, then just disappears. I’m trying not to take it personally. I’m attractive and intelligent, it’s his loss. There’s got to be someone out there who will appreciate me. I’m not trying to sound conceited, because I will reciprocate that appreciation. Backrubs and blowjobs, both things I’m good at. That ought to be every guy’s dream.

I am getting alot of messages on another site from guys that just don’t get it. I try to be nice about it, The first line of my “about me” says “Please do me a favor and read my whole profile before contacting me. I don’t want to waste your time or mine.” Unfortunately, it’s not working. I don’t want to be mean, but seriously. That’s the dilemma of putting yourself out there in hopes of finding the right (or close enough) one… you gotta put up with the creeps.

I am very sexual, but I am not a slut. If you saw me in public, you wouldn’t have a clue. I don’t dress sexily, I don’t do high heels or thongs. I don’t act flirty. I wear my long hair up. I come off as reserved and quiet.

I don’t post skanky pictures of myself online for guys to comment on, I don’t need that kind of validation.

so here goes…

So, here I am, a widow at 45. I’ve never been good at the dating thing, I had the same boyfriend through high school and college, and I’ve been married for the past 16 years.  During the time I was single from 25 to 29, it was mostly random hook-ups, I just didn’t want to get attached to anyone.

I’m pretty independent, I don’t need someone to take care of me. I just miss sex. I have a high sex drive.  I did sleep with a 22-yr-old acquaintance of my late husband. It proved to me I could still be with someone else. It didn’t hurt that he was incredibly hot. However, he made it clear that it was just casual, and I went into it knowing that. We were together 4 times, but I haven’t heard from him for a couple of weeks, and I think he has a girlfriend now.

Women get screwed by biology. Yes, we get to bear the young. But we also are victims of oxytocin, the bonding hormone.  One of the times it’s created is during orgasm. So, if we sleep with the same guy more than a few times, we start to bond with them. Guys can f*ck around all they like, because it doesn’t affect them like it does us.  I wish I had gone into neuropsychopharmacology, so I could create a drug that would block oxytocin, for women who like me who just want to get laid without complications.

I’m not saying I don’t want a relationship, I just want to have more control. I want to be able to keep from getting attached to some guy just because we have sex. Just being honest.

I have signed up for several dating sites, both the regular kind and the hookup kind… I made it very clear in my profile that I much prefer younger men, and that I’m very unconventional. I’m a freak, but not a total freak… I want sex all the time, but I want it with one person. Sex is better when you know each other, because you know what turns each other on.

So I have chatted a bit with one guy, C—, who’s 48.  I really prefer younger guys, mostly because guys my age in general look soooo old. I don’t look my age, most people don’t believe me when I tell them how old I am, they just assume I’m in my early 30’s.  Plus, older guys have trouble in the stamina department. But I saw this guy’s profile, it intrigued me. He sent me a couple of explicit messages. The site is one of those will let each person send 1 message free, then after than if you don’t subscribe, you can’t read anything. I didn’t realize that, and because I was interested in the guy, I created another profile to send him a message with one of my emails, but he said he doesn’t give out his email. (Seriously, it’s so easy to set up an email, I have one just for the dating sites, and there’s no way I could find out who he was unless his name was in the address). He told me to subscribe to the site. I really didn’t want to, and I don’t have a credit card. But I got a Walmart reloadable Visa, and signed up for a month. They tell you it’s 29.95 for 1 month, then they try to charge you a 24.99 activation fee. When I saw that, I cancelled the transaction, then they sent me an email telling me the fee was waived, so I went ahead and signed up.

The night before last, I chatted with him for about 5 mins (it was late and he was pretty sure he was going to get called into work, so he said he needed to get to bed) and it was more explicit stuff about how he wanted to make me come over and over again. Which made me hot, I will admit. But I haven’t heard from him since. I have the site’s messenger on my computer, and I saw that he signed in last night, but I don’t know if he read my messages, he didn’t reply.  So he acted like he was all interested, then nothing. So I probably wasted $30.

The thing that annoys me is that guys don’t read my profile past the wanting a partner with a high sex drive. It clearly says I am not interested in older guys, but I keep getting old guys wanting to chat or “winking” at me. Ugh. If you can’t take time to read the whole profile, I am not interested. I’m an anomaly, I guess. I’m pretty complex and I’m beginning to think I am not going find someone who gets me. At my age, I’m pretty comfortable with who I am, I know what I like and what I don’t, and I’m not interested in changing to suit someone else. Either you like me the way I am or you don’t. Likewise, I’m not interested in changing a guy either.

I knew internet dating wouldn’t be easy, but there really isn’t anyway for me to meet anyone, there’s no one at work, and I don’t go out to the bars.