crazy

Haven’t posted for a bit… I’ve been playing, meeting random guys, some I liked a lot, some were ok. Of course the ones I liked were the ones I didn’t hear from again… but the good news is, I’ve finally found someone to make me forget M***.  The only thing is, he’s 21… I am older than his mom :/  We didn’t meet on the internet, he was a friend of a friend, we all got together for drinks one night… then my girlfriend and I had him and our mutual friend (who’s gay) over to her house for dinner.  Originally, my girlfriend was kind of interested in him (she’s 49)… but it became clear over the course of the evening it was me he was attracted to… at first I didn’t encourage it, but when my friend said “go for it” I did. I showed him a bunch of my naughty pictures.  Then I gave him a ride home and he didn’t seem interested in going any further, so I just dropped him off and went home.  

I texted him that maybe I was wrong, but I thought he was attracted to me.  He said he was, he just had a migraine… so we started trading pics.

He called me the next day to see if we could get together, but I was busy, but I knew I would see him again because we were all going out for drinks again. He picked me up in our friends’ Mustang (a gay guy with a muscle car, go figure) and was showing off, and it just felt fun. Later after dinner, we rode back to my girlfriend’s house in her car and waited for our other friend to pick us up… while we were waiting in the alley, he pushed me against the wall and felt me up, then took my hand and slid it down his pants… it was so fucking hot.  Then our friend showed up, they took me to my house to get my car. I was supposed to meet him at a motel where he was staying while he was waiting to move in with another friend… we had sex and it was pretty good, then just hung out watching tv, til he needed to sleep and I went home. 

The weird thing is, other than him being 21, he’s also into country music, which I thought I hated… but I’ve been listening to it, and I really like it.  Underneath my realist facade, I am a hopeless romantic and so much country is love songs… I even want to learn to line dance. We went out to country night at a local bar, and people were having so much fun.

Anyway, after than first time I didn’t hear much from him, but I knew we were all going to Omaha the next week, so I knew I’d see him… on the way back from Omaha we sat in the back seat together… we’re just sitting there and he says “you should check your phone” which I thought was weird… but he had texted me wanting to know if I would give him head… I texted back “they’ll see” but he said they weren’t paying attention. So I did.  God, I sound like a total slut… 

Anyway, our next hook-up came about because he had said he would fix my timing chain for half what my mechanic wanted… at the time I wanted it fixed so I could go to Omaha to see M—… I made dinner for him and his roomate as a Thank You… and all night I kept noticeimg him staring at me.  His roommate when out to drive my car to make sure it was working, and R— grabbed me in the kitchen and told me to go to the bathroom… he followed me in and bent me over the counter… and it was totally fucking hot.  His roomate came back, the seal wasn’t tight on the engine and it was leaking, so he called his dad, and between the three of them, got a new seal and put it on, but it meant I had to leave my car there overnight. His roommate and him gave me a ride home, and I went to bed.  2 am R— called me to tell me he had really wanted to spend more time with me that day, but couldn’t with his roommate (who also happens to be his best friend since childhood) around, but that he would make it up to me. He said he liked me alot. Before he hung up, he said “Love you” … which threw me, but I said “Love you too” … and I do, actually.

Next night he called me around 10 and told me to come over around midnight.  Apparently his roommate was going to be gone for the night (to clarify, I am also friends with the roommate, who is gay)… so I did, and we had amazing sex… he had asked me if I would let him put it in my ass, and originally I said no, because I didn’t even let my husband do that (except a couple times when we were first married)… but he was so sweet about it, I let him, and it didn’t even hurt much because he’s so good… So we’ve seen each other almost everyday, the roommate thinks we’re just friends who go drinking together, because R— does like to drink and says I’m the only one of his friends who likes to go out and do stuff… since his roommate is gay (and 22) he doesn’t find me attractive, so apparently it doesn’t occur to him that R— would.  We have sex as often as we can when the roommate isn’t there… which is mostly during the day, so when I get a job that’ll be out.

Last night was crazy… he got off work a little after 1, bars close at 2. We went to a place that serves kamikazes … I had one, then he wanted to do shots of Rumple Minze, I did one, then it was time to got. I thought I just had a buzz on, but by the time we got to his place, I was trashed.  The roommate wasn’t home, we started messing around in the car, then went in the house and spent the next couple hours fucking like crazy, at some point he ripped off my panties, I’ve got bruises all over, and a bite mark on my ass… he fucks like a machine.  I ended up sleeping there, when his roommate came home I just said I was too drunk to drive home. 

I went home to feed my cat and shower… talk about the walk of shame, driving home at noon with no panties 😉  and then I went back because he had asked me to…

So…. I don’t know what this is… I know I love him, I also know it’s not probable that it’s going to get serious, given our age differences.  He says that doesn’t bother him, but it’s a fact that can’t be changed.  I can’t imagine his mother would be thrilled… only a couple of my friends know that we’re anything other than friends, and they’re sworn to secrecy.  All I know is I am having fun for the first time in a long time, and the best sex I’ve ever had.  So even though I know in the end I’m going to get hurt, I’m willing to take that risk…

 

this is almost too easy….

I have a different guy to f*ck every day this week… Z— from Omaha today, R—- from Lincoln tomorrow, A— from South Dakota Thursday, and E— from Wahoo Friday. And R— wants to see me again sometime… if I fucked every guy that wanted me, I would never get out of bed. It’s almost too easy. The hard part is finding a regular playmate. I want M— but he doesn’t want me… I have to get over my obsession with him… I know I could fall in love with him but he doesn’t feel that way, I’m just one of many to him… and to his credit, he’s been completely honest and never pretended anything different. It’s just that no one else has f*cked me so well… yet.
I even took the risk of driving up to Omaha to see him last Friday, after the car died on my way up there the week before. That time he told me I could stay the night… he didn’t offer this time. So I feel like I got cheated..

Chatting with one guy, texting another, and waiting on a third to come f*ck me… crazy.

And now I’ve met someone I like and of course he lives even further away, he’s in Iowa. He’s going through a divorce and has 2 kids. He is hot, sexy body and beautiful tats. Argh. Always attracted to the wrong guys. Ironically, like M–k, he’s from Cali, he got moved to Iowa at 14.

M— hasn’t been on fling all night, which probably means he’s with some chick. :(. Got to move on.

My horoscope does say to play this month —

April 2012
Feeling Frisky
You should be feeling frisky in the first part of the month as the fiery Aries Sun lights up your 5th House of Romance until April 20. This is a great time to play and have fun in your personal life. While you’re likely to be in an adventurous mood, it’s important to be sensitive to those around you. That’s because your enthusiasm might overwhelm people and your possible impatience or impertinence could rub someone the wrong way.

Still, it’s hard to keep yourself from being outspoken and direct about expressing your feelings. If you can temper some of your impulsivity, you’ll be more appreciated by others. Of course, avoiding individuals who aren’t willing to have fun is another way to skirt potential problems. This solar transit isn’t necessarily about stabilizing or building a long-term relationship. Pleasure is more alluring than commitment, which is fine as long as you don’t deceive anyone, including yourself.

Falling into fantasy and misreading others is possible, however, when loving Venus forms a spacey square with drifty Neptune on April 6. Appreciating the magic of the moment without concerning yourself about where it will go is a good way to enjoy yourself without unrealistic expectations.

Venus’ entry into your 7th House of Partners on April 3 is another invitation to make playful connections. Discerning the difference between a meaningless flirtation and a deeper emotional engagement is key to avoiding confusion for you or the other person. Attractions and moods are too changeable to take very seriously this month.

.

I’m going to hell….but at least I will have fun doing it. I suppose the novelty of the power of being able to pick and choose is going to wear off eventually…but until then, I am going to play.

meh

I don’t think I’m cut out for this casual thing… I did meet a cool guy yesterday, M–k, he came up from Kansas, he’s in the military. He’s originally from California, so he’s pretty bored. It was great and Mo loved him… but he’s three hours away. I wish I could find someone here in Lincoln… M–t is apparently not interested in me anymore.  I asked if he wanted to hang out this weekend, but he said he didn’t know if he had the gas to come down. I offered to give him gas money (I did before, but he declined, saying it wasn’t fair. But I would have to pay for gas if I went up there.) He hasn’t answered, and I know he’s online and chatting with someone else. It’s his loss. I thought we had a lot in common. Good luck finding someone like me. 

I could have hooked up with some other guy from Omaha, but I went out for a power walk earlier, and since I haven’t been getting much exercise, it wore me out. So I am laying on the couch watching The Tudors on Netflix. There’s a lot of sex in it, since it was originally on Showtime. Some hot British dudes — Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Henry Cavill. Mmmm.

I am sooo bad…

*** warning– this post is explicit***

As I said in my last post there were 2 guys I was interested in… the one in Beatrice, A—–, finally texted me last Thursday wanting to know if I was free. The one day that I had plans, to go to Kearney with the parents & my sis. So he thinks I was blowing him off, haven’t heard from him since. The other guy, B—-, finally texted me and said he had been in Vegas for a friend’s bachelor party. Meanwhile, I met M—, from Omaha, we had a very naughty email exchange, and he came down Friday afternoon and we had awesome sex, he’s very dominant and likes to play hard… after he went back home, we had another steamy text conversation, he was possibly going to come back Saturday night. Meanwhile, B—- wanted to hook up, but I had a few qualms about being with two different guys the same day, plus I had so much fun with M—, I just wanted to get with him again. B—- assumed I was blowing him off and got mad and said he wasn’t interested anymore. I sent him an apology but didn’t hear from him again. It didn’t work out for Matt to come down, and Sunday morning B—- texted me. Long story short, he came over, we f*cked, he left. It was good, but nothing compared to the encounter I had with M—. I know it’s not fair to compare, but it’s true. B—- likes my tits, M— likes my ass. Why couldn’t it be the guy in Lincoln who was the amazing f*ck? M— came down again last night just before 10, he was going to stay over, but I said something about how I needed to get serious about job hunting in the morning, and since he’s looking too, he decided to go back to Omaha so he could get an early start on job hunting too. I was disappointed, but oh well. Hopefully we’ll hook up again. I don’t know if I’ll hear from B—- again, I guess I should give him a another chance, as it was it was too much like being with E—. Damn, I really like M— and would be willing to be exclusive with him, but of course he doesn’t feel the same way. I know he’s contacting other women on the site, because it tells you when someone is online and chatting. If we were closer in age, I’d be his perfect match, he wants a short curvy girl he can dominate. He’s like my late husband in that he wants his dick sucked constantly, and that’s one of my skills since I always had to work so hard on N— because of his ed. But it’s worth it because I get mine as well, unlike with N— because most of the time he couldn’t keep it hard enough long enough to get me off.

I figured out a fundamental difference between guys and girls. If a girl has a choice between two guys, one she knows is a good f*ck, and one she hasn’t been with, 9 times out of 10, she will choose the guy she’s already been with. Guys, on the other hand, will chose the chick they haven’t f*cked, because they know they’ll get off either way, and they want the unknown. That’s why it’s so hard to find a guy to have a long-term FWB thing with, because as soon as some new pussy presents itself, they’ll go for that.

love stinks (yeah yeah)

I think I may just get a really good vibrator and forget about trying to find a guy. Apparently, I am only attracted to flakes. Every time I get contacted by a guy I’m interested in, they go all hot and heavy and then disappear. There were 2 guys from a hook-up sight I was interested in, one from Beatrice and one from Lincoln. The first guy kept telling me how hot I was so I gave him the email I use for those sites, and he asked me for a bunch of pictures and kept saying how much he wanted to f*ck me. I sent him my #, and I haven’t heard from him. The other guy, who I’m actually more attracted to, messaged me 4 times before I responded. He left me his #. I texted him Sunday night, he kept saying he was looking forward to meeting me, and I haven’t heard from him either, I texted him twice asking if he still wanted to meet, no answer. Men on those sites always complain about what flakes women are, the one guy even said if you weren’t interested in actually meeting him, not to bother. He’s the one that pursued me, and he seemed nice enough. Why is it so hard to find an attractive guy? I guess attractive guys don’t need to troll dating/hookup sites.  I know this seems really shallow, but I’m not attracted to 90% of the guys who try to contact me, or they’re in Omaha or somewhere else. I really want a guy here in Lincoln because I’m not going somewhere else. They’d have to come to me. I’m just in selfish mode right now because 16 years of it being all about someone else’s wants and needs was enough. 

0 for 2

sigh… so I wrote C—- off. He really wasn’t my type anyway. Last night I got a message from a 38 yr old guy, B—-. He wasn’t a subscriber, so he left me his cell #. I didn’t want to text from my phone because I wasn’t going to give out my # to someone I don’t know. I texted him from my google voice #. We talked for awhile, he seemed ok. He sent me a couple of pics, I definitely liked what I saw. I was actually going to let him come over. But then he said his brother needed to come over, but could we try later. I said ok. He even texted me this morning, and wanted me to make sure I got ahold of him after work.

I had found his facebook page (just by typing in his first name and last initial) apparently we have 8 friends in common. I think his brother used to play in a band that used to play alot with Nick’s band. He has lots of pictures of himself with his little girls, he looks like a good dad. So I felt better about letting him come over.

He is also very attractive. I couldn’t see his face in the pics he sent me, but now I know how hot he is. Too hot for me, apparently, even though he kept telling me how sexy he thought I was…

Around 4:30 he texted saying something came up at work, I said I had to go to my mom’s anyway, but I would be home around 9. So I texted him when I got home about 20 after 9, no answer. I even called his phone and left a message…

so, apparently I am 0 for 2. Damn. So many of the other guys that try to contact me are creepy. oh, and the icing on the cake is that the site sends you a “scientific match” once a day, and imagine my shock when today they told me one of my husband’s friends, p–, a guy whose house we used to live in, was a match for me. I’m sure he got a good laugh about it – they send it to both people. We have nothing in common and zero attraction toward each other. So I am beginning to regret wasting the 29.95 to sign up, because apparently their matching system is a total crock.
~~~~~
ok, maybe I spoke too soon, b—- just texted me that he fell asleep and just woke up….